Let me just go ahead and say that we are going to taste the rainbow of colorful language today discussing my personal connection with E.T., so you have officially been warned.
Just close one eye or pretend it’s in big pretty cursive writing. Honestly, it’s not really me cussing today, it’s my Dad. I’m just here to tell you about sweatshirt dresses!
I am my father’s child…
curly hair - my dad
rhythm - my dad
fearlessness to take over a stage - my dad
ability to drive the shit out of stick shift - my dad
vulgar mouth - my damn daddy.
It all starts from the tradition that every year on my birthday my dad, JJ, tells me the story of how I was born. He will either call me or sneak it into my card. On any given day when I see his name on my phone I know to quickly remove myself from any public environment, because God only knows what this conversation will involve. However, ESPECIALLY on my birthday I know to retreat to privacy STAT.
When I was born I was ten pounds. After my mother gave birth, the doctor looked at her and said maybe we should have done a c-section. Oops. They placed my ten pound potato ass on my mother’s chest. According to my mom, I picked my head up turned and looked at her and my dad which lead them to look at each other and say, “WHAT THE HELL HAVE WE DONE?! WE JUST HAD E.T. AS A BABY!!”. So they did the only thing they knew to help me, which was pierce my ears so people knew I was at least a human and maybe even a little girl.
I cried and cried and my mom couldn’t figure out why and finally my grandma looked at my mom when I was a WEEK old and said, “That baby is hungry you need to give her some cereal.” (Like baby rice cereal not Lucky Charms.) And they did and I ate every bit and I stopped crying. I mean look at me sitting in the damn dresser drawers eating crayons! My ass is still hungry!! I would later go on to have Forest Gump style leg braces because I was so crammed in my mom’s tummy that my legs turned severely inward. When I slept at night they hooked a bar between my ankles to help straighten my legs out. It has taken a village to keep my ass straight from the very beginning so at least I have been consistent!!
Before we go any further please allow me to say that the stories of what an ugly baby I was give me so much joy. They are my favorite, I love them, they make me laugh until I cry. They have never ever hurt my feelings. My parents showered me with so much admiration and love growing up but they just kept it real on being a hideous baby.
In fact, once when I was 5 I begged them to let me do a beauty pageant.
I wore my Easter dress and was quickly blown away by the little John Benet Ramseys around me in full pageant couture. Like, we was NOT READY for that world. My dad felt so bad that he went and had a trophy made for me that said, “To my GFG the most beautiful girl in the world”.
That trophy is still in my room at my parents home and now you know that I have been the reigning “Most Beautiful Girl in the WORLD” since 1990.
But then, a few years ago, on my birthday, I was out to lunch with my mom and I went to read my card…
I’m not even sure where to go from here. I should just close my laptop and throw it in the lake, because will there ever be a better story than what’s written on that card?!
JJ is a legend because of that card. All my friends have seen it, I have posted it on Facebook, like if I’m ever on Ellen or Good Morning America to shout to the world my passion for wanting to be the next fashion Oprah empowering women, my Dad will be somewhere in the crowd or the audience with a sign that says…just remember baby girl, I loved you when you were ugly as fuck.
And I can’t wait.
So now anytime I see anything E.T. oriented I just lose my mind with laughter.
When I saw this graphic sweatshirt dress from Zara it was a NO BRAINER and immediate done deal.
I had to layer my white button down dress from Asos under it to make the length work as a dress.
If I’m not wearing it as a dress I plan to style it with my Spanx leggings.
Below I also provided a link to a sleeveless white button down in case you don’t like messing with the bunchiness of the sleeve when layering with other pieces.
I included statement earrings to add some sass and spunk to the overall vibe.
The earrings are from H&M! Here is a link to take a look at all of their current fun earrings.
Even though the subject of my sweatshirt dress is funny, my entire outfit doesn’t have to be a joke. We can still have fun and be stylish. T-shirts and sweatshirts with some sort of vintage logo or 80s and 90s icon reference are super trendy right now.
I love the freedom and cut of a sweatshirt dress. It allows me to eat, drink and be merry or smuggle a small dog under it into a movie theater?! I mean I haven’t done that…yet but YOLO!
I also have several other plain sweatshirt dresses that I find as easy on the go options with knee boots and a long coat. I’ll provide some links to ones you might find interesting as well.
The best part of my ugly baby stories, is at the end my dad always wraps his arm around me and says, “But you turned out just fine”.
Even Chris does it now! Dad has handed him down the tradition!
I’m thankful that he and my mom have taught me to have a sense of humor and remember not to take life so seriously sometimes.
Enjoy your time with your families this week, have a little fun with your turkey day outfit and remember…being you ROX.